Alexander

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  • In a world of instability, finding mine for my family and onwards…

    In a world of instability, finding mine for my family and onwards…

    It’s been a minute. After my brother’s passing, it’s really taken the wind from my sails, I guess you could say. I’ve definitely had depression, there is no doubt there. It’s been hard for me to get the drive to post anything about my life. The day we closed on our home was the day my brother passed away. It took all the joy and enjoyment I should have had of purchasing our first home away. Shortly thereafter we got our Kia Telluride as well and it just didn’t…hold anything.


    My brothers and I after a Dodgers game, Billy, the taller one that passed under my arm.

    Our new home:


    He’s definitely left this massive hole/gap. I know there is nothing I could possibly say about death that hasn’t been said by someone, by somewhere. It’s just “weird” not having “that” person there anymore. He really was one of my best friends. I loved him dearly.


    I turned to online MMO computer gaming. It consumed me…bad. My poor kids and wife. What I didn’t do at work, I spent time gaming. The gaming drug of choice became “New World”. I’d spent anywhere from 6-12 hours a day, spending as little as 30 minutes with my wife and kids. This went on for about 4-5 months after his passing. It became my coping mechanism. To be someone else, somewhere else…in fantasy land. Where I controlled who lives and dies. Naturally, at the back of my head, I had this nagging feeling that I knew this was consuming me. Taking a toll not just on me but my wife and kids too. I had to quit. So I did, early Feb. ’22. Crazy thing? Amazon is one of my clients at work I do Analytics for. I am literally helping them with their Analytics for this game and games like Lost Ark.

    Onwards…I reconnected with a long-lost cousin (my first cousin, once removed), by the name of Steve. I have soo thoroughly enjoyed our conversations. What a truly refreshing breath of air. The crazy part is I believe he came across me and reconnected with me from the speech I gave at my brother’s funeral (he found it on a shared relatives page). Out of sorrow, some beauty does arise. I think of those movies where there has been a severe tragedy or heartache and then the camera pans to the rising of a new dawn…with the sun breaking the horizon to the freshly dewed grass, newly blooming flowers. Life goes on. He understands heartache and he understood my sorrow as well. I understood it when Steve said he didn’t ever want to attend another funeral ever again. I understand, completely. Whether he realizes it or not, he’s been an unknowing therapist (even if we’re talking about random stuff and the world at large) that and his band. I needed that. It couldn’t have come at a better more needed time in my life as well. I fully plan to visit Steve and some of our other extended family in Arizona in the next little while and just talk about our Grandparents. Maybe even the old times.


    My cousin Steve & I after my mom brought me to visit my grandpa and first uncle.

    In other news, I got a nose job. It’s been a healing process, I will tell you that. The main goal has been to breathe better. I’ve had challenges with it (my nose) since a crash I was in around a decade ago in my Scion xB. I fell asleep while driving home one day and woke up in the back of an ambulance in a neck brace. The first thing I asked was… “what happened”. Paramedic “you’ve been in a car accident”. Next thing I asked “did I hurt anyone else?”, Paramedic “no”. I passed out. Luckily all that happened was my broken nose from the airbag and a lacerated neck from the seat belt.

    Well, this nose surgery has fixed it all. The surgery I got is called a “Functional Butterfly Rhinoplasty”.

    Before picture:

    Before Rhinoplasty.

    After Picture:

    After Rhinoplasty (still healing).


    Ukrainian War. Man. I really, really hope this doesn’t into WW3. I support everything we’re doing and trying to do over there to help. I have an uncle that was in Kyiv. I am glad he was able to get out. Even though I’ve had a difference of opinion with him on some stuff, I don’t want to see him in harm’s way. With war ever-looming, it definitely has brought out the prepper in me.

    Last subject. Still kickin’ away at HalCo. We’re doing our BEST to get a new driver hired. I’ve made it a personal goal of mine to get us one hired on by May ’22. We’re up to 3 trucks now. Still looking to get more and more loads moving. Updated our site as well:
    https://halcotrucks.com/

  • Rest in Peace little bro

    Rest in Peace little bro

    William “Billy” Mark Halstead 09/20/93 – 6/30/21

    Man, I was just playing softball with my brother a few weeks ago. Seems too unreal. I still don’t feel like his soul is gone.

    He got to meet my little girl. This was the first time. The only time. At least he got to do that. She got to meet her uncle one time at least.

    I don’t even know where to go/what to think about this all. My life has been on hold since it happened. I like keep expecting to hear his voice. Looking at his messages. Seeing recent videos of him smiling and laughing.

    I spoke at his funeral and it destroyed me.

    Eulogy/Talk

    Thank you all for coming today to remember my brother William (Billy).
    My name is Alexander, but I go by Alex, I am William’s oldest brother and I knew and loved my brother from a tough-love perspective, always and forever.


    To be forward, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life, so bear with me through this. I didn’t follow a conventional form in writing this and this is both a Tribute and a bit of Eulogy combined.
    Going back, I was 11 when my brother first came into this world on September 20th, 1993, in Beaver UT, with his twin Brooke. The very first thing I remember thinking/asking while sitting in that delivery waiting room for my mom/dad was, “when I could play with him?” I was soo excited to have a little brother.
    Now don’t get me wrong, I was excited to have another sister too (William is a twin if you didn’t know and Brooke was/is his twin), however, William was my first brother. As many of you know, I have two brothers, William and Tommy, however for the sake of this talk, I will refer to “him”, my little brother, William as Billy, specifically.

    When Billy was born, it was something different for me. I’d grown up at this point with two Sisters, Kristina, and Vanessa. Not that you can’t play sports with your sisters or rough house with them too (and I did, or correction, we did), but I felt a little more excited to have some testosterone that I could order and bully around or throw a football with and baseball with and wrestle with or share dating secrets with (again, you can do that with sisters too, don’t get me wrong).
    My little brother was always, always all in my business. As soon as he could crawl, scoot, walk, mumble and talk he found his way to me and my room. One of my favorite memories of him, when he was young, was him not leaving me alone after repeatedly asking him to stop opening my door at around the age of 5-6 years old, I hung him by his underwear from my door handle and called everyone to see (and of course he was laughing/giggling).
    He was a very, very smart kid from a very early age as well. I remember in first/second grade I taught him literally all the math that I had known at the time (all the way up to basic algebra concepts and he was starting to grasp that too). He was bored with school easily, however, which made it a challenge for him, not because it was hard, but because it didn’t keep his attention in the way he needed it to.


    Even before getting to middle school, I was sneaking him into Hardcore shows (think really loud heavy metal, but more brutal, and I didn’t really have to sneak him because I knew the venue promoters) and getting him into the pit (not for the faint of heart, for those in the know). Everyone knew him as he didn’t sit on the sideline as a wallflower. He wanted a piece of it and he got in there and took his chances of getting kicked and punched along with everyone else (and if don’t believe me, I got videos). He was loved by people quickly and not just because he was my little brother.


    Fast forward a little.

    Even though he didn’t graduate high school (although he basically had the credits to) he still got his diploma with relative ease, just to prove that it really was well within his realm of knowledge, understanding (or below him for that matter). He didn’t even have a reason for getting it either, just to have it. He didn’t have a job waiting on it, or anything like that, or to impress a girlfriend.
    Billy loved to travel and loved the West coast. Over the years I had him live with me on and off. He worked sales jobs and, in particular, liked selling alarms and solar panels. He was VERY good at it. He got to travel to many different states & cities all over the United States selling both. Although, he didn’t stick with one job for long, it is the one type of job he did come back to often.
    Billy’s life was like the song from Sublime, “What I Got”. The lyrics and vibe of the song resonate when I listen to them, if you get a chance, give it a listen. It was how he lived, it puts a smile on my face. Honestly, I couldn’t even tell you if he even liked the song (I can’t remember at least), but boy did he embody that vibe.
    I don’t ever recall him ever holding onto any single possession, for long that is. And I think that was because he was soo giving and on the move. My brother, literally, would give you the shirt off his back if you asked for it. He didn’t stay in one place for long because he had a smile to share and a story to tell and boy did he have stories.
    He knew people, lots of people. He networked. He had no reserves when he came to learn about you. And once he got to know you, he’d sell you to others. He’d sing your praise. He’d embarrass me as I am sure he has done to some of you, talking me up to complete strangers, but that was out of pure love.
    In remembrance of my brother, over the past few weeks, I’ve come to the realization of a few things. As I’ve chatted with some of you, some of you may be carrying some form of guilt on how they left their relationship with my brother. Don’t. I am standing here, as you are sitting there, in remembrance of the good times we had, together (with him). My brother didn’t always tell me everything, but he told me the stuff that mattered. He came to me for the big decisions in life. He confided in me when he was at forks or had big decisions and choices to make. I knew him on a brotherly, hard-nosed level. I loved him and he loved me as he did all of you. He forgave and forgot quickly.

    Don’t carry that burden of regret. It will age you before your years. Remember William for that smile of his and that contagious laugh. As his big bro, that’s what I know he’d want.
    Thank you,
    One last little poem.
    By, MELISSA FOX-AUSTIN, titled “Remember Me“

    There was a slide show my cousin put together as well, Paul, that he did amazing on. In particular, there was a song, this song:

    I am not going to be able to ever hear this song again, the same.

    Rest in peace brother. We will never forget your love.

  • The Occult, Masonry & Life in General

    The Occult, Masonry & Life in General

    From a young age…I was always interested in “the Occult”. I think it’s pretty natural to say that most people are, some more than others, naturally. I guess my fascination with it came from reading books. History books but then fantasy books, like “The Wheel of Time” and “The Lord of the Rings”. I wanted to be part of something more than myself. To feel a sense of belonging. For people to have that sense of intrigue when they met me, knowing that “I” belonged to that “something else”.

    I had read about Freemason’s but I’d always thought of them as “Old Guys” club, similar to the Elks Club. I met my first Freemason at the age of 17-18 while working at McDonald’s in Cedar City UT. I didn’t think anything special of him at the time and he wasn’t old. I didn’t ask any questions at the time because I was pretty busy with life in general (high school still and obviously I couldn’t actually become one myself).

    Time went on and I moved to SLC, UT to attend I.T.T. Technical Institute. There I met another Freemason by the name of Mario. I noticed he had a Freemason ring on.

    Well, one conversation led to another and I was initiated as a Freemason on March 27, 2006 and raised to a Master Mason April 14th, 2007 in Mount Moriah, Lodge #2, F.&A.M.

    Masonic Coin

    I share this, because part of me felt a pang of guilt, that my original intent may have been heavily influenced by selfish “perceived” gains, that I would be a better candidate for the CIA, or FBI being a Freemason. This is definitely not the full reason I joined, however. Throughout all of history, I’d always noticed the somewhat natural similarity of the quality of men that had passed through Freemasonry and thought that they were, despite all the discussions of conspiracies theories, etc. were good, humble people. Of course, there were the bad apples (Blackbeard, etc), but the overwhelming majority throughout history were good men.

    I was actually in the process of applying for the CIA at the time, which I’d thought again, would “help” my interview process. Little did I know, it did absolutely nothing for me. Or did it?

    I learned soo much in the years to follow. I did remain active several years after getting my denial letter from the CIA. I felt a sense of brotherhood for the first time since leaving my friends in Cedar City. It was the closest thing I had to the “Hardcore” scene. Where people of different faiths, religions, colors, ethnicities could come under one roof for a single purpose and that was to learn. To learn how to be a better person, friend, neighbor and how to serve our fellow man.

    While I am inactive now and Covid rages on, I have great pangs to go back and be amongst my previous brothers. I never really got to thank my brother Adam. He was the one that got me through my degrees and hour and hours of studying together to learn my catechisms. To him, I am ever grateful. I miss Masonry and what it taught me and how my brothers helped me day in and day to release my childhood/teenage years. One day…one day I hope to return.

    Pondering Life

    Other updates:

    Freya Piper
    Our baby girl Piper is due on March 16th. Carisa doesn’t think she will last that long however. I am excited to have a baby girl that I can call my pipsqueak. 🙂

    Our first truck…

    HalCo
    Oh yea, started a business in Oct. 2020 w/ my cousin. HalCo. Halcotrucks.com. We already have contracts with Amazon, jbhunt and a few others. Our first two months we netted nearly 45k. We’re approved for 390k loan and purchasing 3 more trucks soon. We have one other employee, which is our uncle and CPA. We made the business decision to make him our CFO and it has been an awesome one soo far (helped us secure the above loan). We’ve already had several meetings as well. We spoke to our first owner Operator this week in fact, which hopefully we will be bringing on. These next few months will be super interesting. I am getting my CDL as well just to be able to drive as well.

    Nightfall Edition Kia Telluride 2021

    Nightfall Edition Kia Telluride 2021/2022
    I know I made an article about getting the Volvo, but Carisa really wanted the Telluride because of ALL the reviews. We’ve been shopping for one FOREVER. We finally had to go in and just reserve one. The good thing is, is I’ll basically have it 2/3’s paid off by the time it gets here in August and we may be getting the 2022 edition.

    Adobe/New House
    Adobe has been amazing to me since coming back. I’ve referred 2 more people now and working on a 3rd. I think once I sell my stock next year, we will have our required 20% down to avoid Mortgage Insurance. Woohoo! It’s finally happening. We will have a new home all to ourselves. Oh yes, Adobe has been amazing with raises/bonuses too, so that’s helping as well.

    I think that’s it for now (at least that I feel like sharing, whew).

    Until next unload.
    -Alex

  • Rest in Peace Kristina

    Rest in Peace Kristina

    12/19/19. My sister took her life. She fought a long, long battle with depression, manic paranoid schizophrenia and self-medicated with drugs and in the end, it got the best of her. I compiled a memorial Powerpoint. I can say soo much more, but I say a lot in this.

    Love you sis.

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