First, let’s start with the definition, according to Dictionary.com:
ghost·ing
/ˈɡōstiNG/
noun
the appearance of a ghost or secondary image on a television or other display screen.”the display is sharper and less prone to ghosting”- the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.”I thought ghosting was a horrible dating habit reserved for casual flings”
Note: We’re dealing with definition #2 here for all intents and purposes.
I guess in life, we have people that come and go. For some of those people it stings. I am sure I’ve “ghosted” some people myself. But typically, I’ve always and I mean always had a reason. Not to say, those that “ghosted” me didn’t have their reasons as well.
My experiences:
Experience 1: Terra
I had a good friend and previous girlfriend named Terra. The last time I ever got an email or talked to her was March 12, 2014. Even after we stopped dating (years after) I stayed in contact with her and we’d talk about everything and anything (even her new boyfriends, my new girlfriends, you name it). I had tried reaching out for years and years afterward, even going as far as to contact her old girlfriend – I literally just wanted to make sure she was OK. I think her ex-GF (Ciara) was in on “me” not reaching out to, her because she told me she’d lost contact with her as well. Was that true? I guess it doesn’t matter.
Terra did an AMAZING job at first completely eliminating any trace of herself from the internet, but I eventually found out she remarried, had a kid, and potentially became Jewish? Stalking? No, simple internet search. She was one of my best friends after all…then wham nothing. I went back and re-read the last email communication she ever sent me and it made sense after a while.
It made sense. I must have been a blocker for her and the life she wanted to pursue. I am sure that her therapist probably identified me as a pillar of toxicity in her life, which is fair. Especially if I was causing harm to her then relationship (which I may have). I guess for me, I just wanted to know she was happy. Because she deserved it. I know she sat backseat often while I was happy. Last I saw she had a family and achieved some career goals and she looked happy. That makes me happy too. I am glad she was able to move on without me, even at the cost of our relationship. Terra, if you ever come across my blog, I hope you’re doing good in life and have a beautiful little family. *hugs*
Experience 2: Lisa
The next person to pseudo-ghost me was a girl named Lisa. I had been her confidant through a lot of turmoil and rough times (for example a lover of hers committed suicide, Chris, and I’d been there for her through that). She leaned on me in those rough times. I never dated Lisa because I didn’t want to be that guy that took advantage of someone in a tough spot. Especially after Lisa told me time and time again the scenarios where guys had done just that. I had to be that pillar for her. I saw her start her “reclaimed wreckage” business from the ground up. I was there listening to her failed relationships and when she had her first kid. I was there. I was that guy on the other end of the phone or text.
I even once got a free hotel one-night courtesy of a company I was working at and invited her downtown SLC. She stayed with me at the hotel (and even though she drank that night – I Didn’t drink – because I don’t) I did not make any moves. Additionally, after we got up to the hotel room, it had two queen beds. I took a separate bed and did not attempt to share. She felt lonely and wanted to cuddle, to which I obliged, but nothing more.
Fast forward a few months and she tells me about a scenario where a guy was being overbearing. I said “do you want me to rough him up, or put him in his place”, something along those lines. And she took it completely out of context like I was some madman looking to go around and beat people up. Sure I come from a bit of a rough background and have a history of fighting and getting into scuffs, but the comment was made in jest…simply that I was offering to protect her (as most guy friends I am sure would do). That ended up being the catapult and end of our relationship. I got to talk to her one other time and asked her, why? That was the reason given. Justified? I don’t know…was it the real reason? I am not sure.
In Summary: I guess for me, it’s coming to terms. Getting these thoughts, and feelings..gnawing gut feeling of missing these people out of my head. I am sure I don’t have anyone that reads my blog anyways…just spam bots, but at least I can put some of these ideas to rest.